Okay to Give Up

You see them everywhere, the inspirational posters that proclaim, "Never give up on your dreams! Never!"

I am a questioner, so I ask: What if someone's dream is to be a serial killer? Don't we want them to give up?

I sure do!

And I'm here to proclaim, at the lofty age of 65, that giving up on dreams is all right. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

A newspaper article I read featured a young man who had dropped out of college. After one or two years, he decided he didn't like college, left, and was now a bartender in a small Colorado mountain town. The implication of the article was that this was an unfortunate situation. Darn college for being so tough on students, and pity the poor students who had to become bartenders instead.

The young man was unhappy about college and how it was organized. He felt like he didn't fit there. He did not complain about bartending. Maybe that got left out of the story.

Whether he liked bartending or not, he sure did not like college. So gave up on that dream, and left.

We all have dreams of what we'd like to do or be, especially as children. Our very cute little 3-year-old daughter told us she wanted to be truck driver (for some reason, this frightened her father). She also wanted to be a waitress, a cake baker, and a jazz dancer – all jobs she saw and was curious about.

Were these special dreams that we should have nourished, urging her to never, ever give up on?

One of my own persistent childhood dreams was to be a military marching band leader. I practiced marching in my bedroom and around our yard. I tossed that tall baton thingy that I'd seen used, and I practiced saluting smartly.

So what did I do to achieve that dream?

Join a marching band? No.

Join any band? No.

Play an instrument? Yes, the violin. Not used in marching bands.

Join the military? No. Although I did join the Peace Corps which I considered serive to my country.

Teach music or band? Yes, at a tiny rural school. Not enough students for a basketball team much less a marching band.

Learn how to design marching band performances? No.

Have I regretted the loss of this dream? No. I'm amused by the memory, not longing for it.

Since those days, I've dreamed of learning how to paint with watercolors, singing on stage with a back-up band, joining the astronaut corps. I've painted a picture of pineapples bouncing, played guitar by myself, and read articles about astronauts.

It's okay that I have not accomplished these dreams. It's okay that I've had lots of hobbies – crochet, cross-stitch embroidery, scrapbooking, bicycling – and that I no longer do the At some point, they each demanded that I invest more energy in order to stay interested. And I chose not to. I was don that hobby.

In all my life there is only one dream that has stuck to me like a bur: becoming a fiction writer. I've churned out short stories and novels. It's the one activity I've been willing to invest in to get better. I've gone to writing conferences, read books about writing, and practiced in journals. I can't stop. I can't stop.

I don't need a reminder to never give up, I do the work anyway.

When I look at talented committed people, I think we are alike in this respect. Tiger Woods, Simone Bales, Bill Gates, Agatha  Christie, Pablo Picasso: they followed that special dream because they couldn't stop. Obstacles were thrown in their way, and they figured out ways around, They learned, they grew, they complained, their groused – but they just kept doing that thing that they loved so deeply.

I'm guessing they all had hobbies, or tried to. They engaged in activities that they gave up on.

 Just like me.

Just like you.

Give yourself a pat on the back for having dreams, and for taking any action toward them. And for moving on to another dream, and another, and another, and ...