Home Fires and Heart Fires

Outside temperature at my house yesterday: -25, warming up to -17.

It's cold here. Mighty cold!

So, as we do every winter when the arctic cold arrives, we started using our wood stove.

Sometimes I surprise people with my adeptness at starting fires and keeping them going. Maybe I look like a city gal. Anyway, what does that say about me, that I am a good fire starter? It says that every winter I work with fire.

I start fires with crunched newspapers, kindling, and matches. My spouse uses newspaper laid out flat, fuel oil, and matches. His fires start more consistently than mine. But I like the idea of kindling: little pieces of wood being used for a bigger purpose.

Once a fire is started, it requires tending.

This is a windy place, so most days, wind creates a strong draft, sucking on the wood in the stove. On these days, the wood burns quickly so new pieces must be added frequently.

Other days, the air outside is still, barely moving. These are more challenging days because there is very little draft for the stove. A fire just doesn't catch. No matter how much kindling or newspaper … no fire. More logs certainly don't help under these circumstances.

If I try to start a fire and put in too many logs, and then try to take a log out, it would probably be smoldering. Translate: dangerous. Where would I put a smoldering log outside the woodstove? It could burn any surface I set it on.

Even on a safe surface, there would be smoke filling up the house, setting off all the fire alarms, requiring that we open the windows. Then neighbors would see smoke billowing out of our house and call the fire department. Then firemen, in full, heavy gear, would drive up in noisy, alarming firetrucks and discover there was just a smoldering log in my house. Then they would put it back in the wood stove. Problem solved.

So best to keep the barely starting fire inside the stove.

Whether there is wind for a draft or not, fires require attention.

As the fire burns throughout the day, it must be fed more wood.

I have learned that most wood stoves do best with three logs burning at a time.

One log, by itself, either burns down quickly without providing much heat, or it doesn't burn at all.

Two logs provide more heat and will burn against each other merrily. Usually, however, they just smolder where they touch. I start my fires with two logs because I want room in the stove for kindling and newspaper. Once a fire is started, I add more logs.

Three logs is, in my experience, the perfect number in a wood stove. They rub against each other, keeping each other burning. They fill the stove without being cramped, which means the stove itself heats up and provides that ambient heat we wood stove lovers love so much.

More than three logs at a time can choke off the draft and the fire.

As you can see, wood stove fires require attention. They do not burn continuously by themselves.

When I am tending the fire in my wood stove, I often reflect on tending to people. Like single logs, people don't do well all by themselves. Literally, their hearts wane. Research is showing us that humans require other humans, regular connections, the face-to-face presence of loved ones.

But of course, get two people together and you risk getting sparks, smoldering looks, disagreements.

When a third person enters the mix, for good or bad reasons, much more happens. Often, fiery exchanges happen. And just as often, deep, heart-felt conversation happens.

These moments are healthy for us. We are herd animals, living most of our existence on this planet in tribes. Connecting with other people, face-to-face, like the logs in my stoves, creates a burn, a fire, a warmth. It warms our hearts.

This time of year can have an arctic effect on some people, chilling their bones and hearts.

If you know someone like this, consider ways to pay attention to them: give them a hand-written note, listen without speaking, seek shared humor, share warm cups of drink -- and chocolates.

Our hearts require tending. They require kindling—little appreciations being used for a greater purpose—drafts of fresh air, ideally outside of buildings, and face-to-face time with other people with with as little time limit as possible.

From my wood stove, my heart stove, to yours this wintry season — warmth and cheer.